Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Finally Alive (I mean the blog, I am still alive and plan on it for awhile!)

Well we are reorganized, a little updated and a lot to talk about. The past number of months I have been planning to write but never taking the time to do so. During my time away I have done a lot of thinking. Why do I do this? What is a reasonable expectation I can have of myself when I am writing? When will I have the time to do this? Is there anyone I can do this with? What is really important to me?

When I started this blog it was a way for me to be creative. In my profession, at least at this time period, I cannot be creative. I have to fit myself into a square even though I am a circle. I have been struggling with this for many months and I finally feel like I am coming up to breath. So much newness this year, with the fear that things are going to get worse before they get better. 

It's been hard to keep faith, many days I doubt God's love, God's grace and I feel lost and helpless. It's hard to admit. For so long I have been strong in my faith and I know how God has carried me through tough times. For some reason, right now, these past number of months I can't seem to see through fog. I serve, I read, I pray, I sing, my soul longs for God but I feel for a number of months now that there are things that need to change and many of them revolve around a couple of struggles that I have. It probably doesn't help any of this that I have been reading many of the Minor Prophets lately out of wanting to grow my knowledge of the bible. Most of the books are all doom and gloom. I have learned that when you are struggling with hearing God talk it might not be the best idea to read through the Minor Prophets. Although there is one verse from Joel that I have pulled out and I am desperately trying to cling to. 

The LORD roars from Zion, and utters his voice from Jerusalem, and the heavens and the earth quake. 
But the LORD is a refuge to his people, 
a stronghold to the people of Israel. 
(Joel 3:16 ESV)

When I think about this it reminds me to cling to God, even though I am not hearing his voice or struggling with what he is trying to teach me.

What things are going to change in the near future I am not so sure. What I do know is that I can't give up, I can't give in and I need to keep fighting. That's where this blog comes in, this is one of those ways I can fight back, by engaging with you, the reader. I hope we can learn together and grow together.I am looking forward to the next number of months of writing, I am full of beer, recipes, building projects (yes I can build things now and fix things, it's scary giving me tools) music, movies and all those great and awesome things that come along with being alive.

I will leave you with this song, one that has been encouraging to me over the last few months.

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